HOUSTON, TX — Elon Musk was arrested today after federal investigators concluded he had taken billions in NASA contracts for a Moon mission he never intended to complete, while now claiming the Moon is “overrated” and “kind of mid.”

The $3–4 billion contract, part of NASA’s historic Artemis program, was meant to send the first woman and person of color to the lunar surface by 2025. Instead, Musk spent the money launching his own hardware to low Earth orbit and livestreaming video game sessions while calling federal employees lazy.

🛰️ One Rocket to Rule Them All… Until Now

Unlike the Apollo program, which used a single Saturn V rocket to land humans on the Moon over 50 years ago, Musk’s plan for Artemis involves 20+ Starship launches, each refueling each other in orbit, in what experts have called:

“The most overcomplicated, untested, and statistically impossible plan since Elon tried to buy Twitter for free speech.”

Not a single Starship test flight has made it to orbit, and after eight fiery failures, Musk now claims we don’t even need to go to the Moon.

“We’ve already been,” he said while live-streaming himself playing Elden Ring. “Why go back? It’s just rocks.”

🌈 DEI-Funded Vaporware

The Artemis mission was designed as a milestone in American space history—bringing representation, technology, and human presence back to the Moon.

Instead, all milestones have been missed. Not one key objective has been met.
And now, the man who took the money for a DEI-first lunar landing is publicly dismissing the mission he was paid billions to lead.

“He promised a Moon landing,” said one NASA insider. “All we got was another tweet thread about how government sucks.”

📉 Zero Accountability, Infinite Hype

Despite failing to deliver anything resembling a lunar transport system, Musk still receives applause for launching his own junk to low Earth orbit and slapping “Starlink” on it.

“He turned ‘space exploration’ into a broadband ad,” said one aerospace engineer.

Meanwhile, the Artemis program—once a symbol of progress and inclusion—has quietly stalled, shelved, and been spun as “no longer necessary” by the guy who made sure it couldn’t happen.

🚀 20 Starships, 0 Moon Landings

NASA insiders confirm the original plan would require 20+ Starships, each perfectly launched and fueled in sequence, to make one mission work.

No complete test has even come close. And experts say it would cost more than the entire program’s budget just to simulate that scenario once.

“It’s physically impossible to test this,” said a former NASA flight director. “Even Hollywood would say this is too unrealistic.”

🧠 Disclaimer

This article is satire—but it’s based on real events, contracts, delays, and Elon Musk’s own public statements. No, he hasn’t been arrested (yet), but he did take billions for a Moon mission that now seems more fictional than Star Wars.

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