FREMONT, CA — Tesla engineers attempting to fix the 8th official Cybertruck recall—which involved glued-on stainless steel panels flying off—have reportedly stumbled upon a 9th recall-worthy defect while applying more glue to the truck.
According to technicians on site, what began as a routine panel reattachment quickly escalated when a second defect became obvious—this time involving duct tape discovered inside the rear wheel well, possibly used to secure a wiring harness or trim piece.
“We were expecting glue,” said one technician. “We didn’t expect duct tape. And not even the good kind—the kind you’d use in a college dorm.”
The discovery has reportedly triggered internal review for a potential 9th recall, though Tesla has not confirmed whether it will be classified as “critical” or just “slightly embarrassing.”
🧱 Stacked Like Russian Nesting Recalls
Tesla has not officially confirmed the 9th recall, but sources say new issues are being discovered faster than they can be patched, especially as trucks are delivered and returned in record time.
“It’s like recall inception,” said one service tech. “Every time we fix one thing, two new problems unlock.”
📋 Summary of Recent Recalls:
- Shattering glass
- Faulty windshield wipers
- Steering issues
- Unintended acceleration
- Loose trim
- Faulty seatbelts
- AutoPilot malfunctions
- Steel panel flying off
- (New) Rear suspension instability (TBD)
Elon Musk has reportedly dismissed the situation, stating:
“These are just edge cases—like the edge of your door panel flying off at 80 mph.”
🛠️ Built in Beta
Tesla fan forums have largely defended the situation, with one user writing:
“This is what innovation looks like. Would you rather drive a boring car… with all its parts attached?”
Others are calling for a special “Founders Series” badge that just says “RECALL INSIDE.”
🧠 Disclaimer
This is satire, though based on very real Cybertruck recalls, manufacturing shortcuts, and customer frustrations. Tesla has officially issued 8 recalls—so far.
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