The Numbers Are In — and They’re Ugly

Tesla just reported its Q1 2025 earnings, and as expected, they were awful:

• Revenue: $19.3 billion, down 9%
• Net Income: $409 million, down 71%
• Deliveries: 336,681 vehicles, down 13% year-over-year

A normal company would be punished for this. A normal CEO would be sweating. But this is Elon Musk. And Tesla’s stock? Up after hours. 🚀

The After-Hours Illusion: Same Pump, Different Quarter

Like clockwork, the stock pumped after hours on Tuesday — adding back the entire value of Ford for the second time in one day.

This isn’t about fundamentals. It’s about narrative manipulation, algo-based FOMO, and possibly even coordinated social trading. Musk says some buzzwords on a call, speculators grab headlines, and the illusion of value continues — even as the actual profits collapse.

This happens every quarter. Every time the numbers look bad, Musk shows up with a new story, a new fantasy, or a new fake win.

The “Win in June” Lie: FSD Is Still a Fraud

This quarter’s hype? Musk claims Tesla could get a regulatory “win” for Full Self-Driving in June. Here’s why that’s laughable:

• Tesla has the most fatal accidents of any automaker linked to driver-assist tech
• Waymo has done millions of autonomous rides — Tesla has done zero
• They’re now talking about teleoperation — which is just a remote-controlled Uber with lag
• And even if it were approved, it’s not valuable

You want autonomy? Use Zoom. Or get an Uber. You don’t need to buy a $60,000 car to pretend you’re saving time — and certainly not one that might crash itself.

What’s the Stock Actually Worth? Try $3.50

Let’s skip the fantasy and run the math:

Tesla’s Q1 net income was $409 million. Annualized, that’s $1.636 billion for the year.

Now apply a reasonable P/E ratio — like Ford (6.4) or Nissan (7.2). That gives Tesla a fair market cap around $10–12 billion.

With over 3.18 billion shares outstanding, the actual fair stock price would be:

$3.50 per share

That’s not a typo. That’s what the company is worth if we ignore the AI illusions, the unfulfilled promises, and the regulatory credits.

The Musk Myth Continues

Musk didn’t save Tesla. He didn’t invent EVs. He didn’t build rockets. He’s not a real engineer. He’s not a real CEO. He’s not even a good scammer — just a very lucky one, who rode:

• The first dot-com bubble
• The 2008 bailout wave
• The COVID stimulus flood
• And the post-crypto meme-stock insanity

Now he’s burning through that luck while insiders dump shares and fanboys defend their losses on Reddit. The saddest part? Musk isn’t back to save anything. He was never doing the work. One ex-employee said he barely showed up at all — unless a camera was around.

Final Thought: If You Bought This Spike, I’m Not Sorry

Anyone who bought in after this earnings call didn’t invest — they were scammed or scamming. Again.

Tesla has no margin of safety, no production lead, and no moat. FSD is a fantasy. Optimus is a prop. Starlink is just satellites burning up for no one to use.

And yet… the stock went up.
The cult bought more.