In a stunning new opportunity for self-sacrifice, Elon Musk has reportedly opened a fan sign-up portal for what he’s calling “Starship Influencer Testing.” The concept is simple: instead of waiting decades for astronauts to volunteer, why not let Musk’s most devoted followers climb aboard early—literally—and help test the world’s most explosive stainless-steel monument to optimism.
Applicants are encouraged to “do it for humanity,” according to a tweet Musk posted between memes about Dogecoin and population collapse. “We’re entering the next phase of testing,” Musk explained. “We’ve completed 11 flights so far, and it’s clear we’ll need orders of magnitude more before reaching orbit reliably. The Moon is roughly 1,000 times farther than low Earth orbit, and Mars is—depending on orbital alignment—up to a million times farther. So yeah, we’ll need a few more.”
The new “fan testing” initiative will require participants to pay a $420.69 application fee, which Musk says “helps weed out the unserious.” Successful applicants will receive a digital certificate on X (formerly Twitter), an NFT commemorating their willingness to risk vaporization, and possibly a retweet from Musk himself—assuming their launch livestream goes viral before impact.
While critics have compared the program to the Soviet Union’s use of dogs in early spaceflight, Musk was quick to dismiss the analogy. “This is different,” he said. “These people can tweet.”
SpaceX engineers, speaking anonymously, admitted that the company’s first 11 test flights have produced “mixed” results, though Musk insists that explosions are “rapid unscheduled disassemblies” that provide “valuable data.” He reassured investors that “each fan test will bring us closer to Mars, emotionally if not physically.”
When asked if the program could result in loss of life, Musk replied, “Sure, but the sun’s going to destroy all life on Earth eventually if we don’t relocate. So really, not doing this would kill more people.”
He added that the test program “is basically like Noah’s Ark, but faster and with better merch.”
Editorial Note: The launch window for “Starship Fan Test 12” is reportedly set for next quarter, pending FAA approval and enough volunteers with strong Wi-Fi signals.
Application link: spacex.com/fantest420
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