SAN FRANCISCO, CA — Elon Musk was arrested late Wednesday following yet another Twitter-induced financial meltdown, in what authorities are calling a “repeat case of willful stock sabotage via meme.”
The arrest marks the latest escalation in Musk’s long, tangled history of tweeting his way into SEC investigations, market chaos, and “420 jokes” that cost shareholders billions.
“He was literally warned multiple times,” said an SEC spokesperson. “At this point, it’s less ‘genius’ and more ‘digital arsonist.’”
🧵 A Timeline of Self-Destruction
Musk’s Twitter-fueled stock volatility dates back to 2018, when he infamously tweeted that he was “considering taking Tesla private at $420” and that he had “funding secured.”
- Tesla stock surged, then crashed
- The SEC sued him, fined him $40 million
- He lost his chairman role
- And then… he did it again. And again.
💬 “Stock Price Too High, IMO”
In 2020, Musk tweeted that Tesla’s stock price was “too high, in my opinion.” The market promptly shaved off $14 billion in value within hours.
Analysts at the time wondered whether Musk was testing a new anti-gravity device… for the stock market.
🪙 Dogecoin, X, and Other Financial Crimes of Vibe
The latest arrest was triggered by a string of tweets involving:
- Dogecoin memes
- A photo of Musk with lasers for eyes
- A promise to “make Twitter profitable by 2026 or die trying”
- And a cryptic poll asking: “Should I tank TSLA to prove a point?”
The market responded the only way it knows how: panic-selling like it was a crypto winter.
💼 “We Tried Letting Him Be Quirky”
According to investigators, regulators had been tracking Musk’s erratic online behavior for months. Internal emails from the SEC reportedly included phrases like “we’ve lost control of this man” and “he’s playing 4D chess with a checkerboard he set on fire.”
“We tried letting him be quirky,” said one official. “Then he took out $50 billion in shareholder value and called it a meme.”
📉 Tesla Shareholders in Shock
Following the arrest, Tesla stock plunged another 7% before rebounding slightly when investors remembered they’ve been here before and still haven’t learned anything.
A class action lawsuit is already being prepared by investors who lost money but claim they “still love the innovation.”
🧠 Disclaimer
This is satire—but based on real tweets, market events, and regulatory drama. Elon Musk has not been arrested (yet), but he has been sued, fined, and investigated for using Twitter like a financial weapon.
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